Castaway

I feel unmoored. I feel irretrievably, helplessly unmoored. I have been cast adrift in the ocean of myself and I am simultaneously overwhelmed and consumed by the pursuit of rescue. Rescue will not come. Only I can save myself. Where do I even begin? None of my survival skills have prepared me for being lost at sea.

At first I panic, and exhaust all my resources thrashing about in desperate rage – blind to reason and bent on self-destruction rather than survival. Once I tire, mentally and physically spent, I can do nothing but lie still and simmer in the hot unrelenting sun of my own mind. I can feel myself burning but I thrive on the pain, am addicted to feeling agony rather than nothing. There is no alternative.

So now here I am, burning with agony and desperation and stranded, motionless, in the ocean of myself. I must ask myself what it is I truly want, what am I looking for? Is it merely enough to survive?

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