“Write yesterday’s fortune cookie. It got everything wrong.”

“Great Riches Abound Today.”

That’s what my fortune was yesterday. I probably should have known that the universe was toying with me, a) because the universe and b) fortune cookies that are discovered in stupid places should never be trusted. Fortune cookies delivered directly via a heaping order of chow mien on the other hand are obviously on the up-and-up.

So this cookie, this…hilarious cookie (I hope you can taste the irony here) shows and here’s what happens: Today I meet a guy named Rich and he was a total asshole.