Look at this picture of my dog. Look at him in his raincoat. He looks like Gene Kelly if Gene Kelly was no longer a grown man and was instead a sullen canine.
I bought my dog this raincoat because a) I love him and don’t wish him to get diphtheria or whatever it is Victorian women got from being in any amount of rain for mere moments and b) it was a total impulse buy when I had to buy him food. He needed only one of the two things I made Jenna carry out of the store for me. You guess which one.
It occurred to me whilst I wrangled my very unassuming and patient pup into his new rain coat that perhaps this wasn’t what Jester aspired to when he got doggie immigration status to Canada back in January. It certainly wasn’t what he signed up for when they let me take him home. So I thought…what else would Jester rather be doing with his life?
In doggie years, he’s about 7. This places him perfectly in sync with my father, who himself is 56 in human years and to my knowledge has never been caught dead in such a glaring ensemble. Their age is about all the have in common. Actually, no. Their thinly veiled patience with my antics is another thing they share. Maybe they can both be retired together.
My grandma thinks Jester should be a doggie model, and I agree.
Obviously, he’s perfect in all ways. He likes to lie around for extended of periods of time, and look how great he looks in coats! One time, he even modeled a Blue Jays jersey in support of our play off run.
It occurred to me that perhaps Jester would like to be a private detective dog, given his hound like sniffing abilities. I’ve just realized though that Jim Henson beat me to that years ago; does anyone remember this show?
I think my dog would also be particularly adept at being one of those high-end bathroom attendants that you tip out of obligation and sheer social awkwardness. Not that he needs the money, its just he really likes to sit outside the bathroom and paw at the door while I’m inside, so it’s just a hunch.
Maybe my dog could do my job and sit at my desk wearing a headset and trying to answer the phone without an opposable thumb. I think he would probably be a much more sympathetic ear than I am, but his keyboarding skills are an absolute disaster. My desk is also covered in rubber ducks, so there’s also the issue of how many “productive hours” he’d actually put in. I would love to have a dog as a colleague though, wouldn’t you?
TL;DR: My dog is a super model.
If your dog had a job, what would it be?