You know how Oprah used to do that thing, was it on her show or in her magazine? The thing where she would do her Favourite Things episode and like hide shit under the audience’s chairs and they’d all pretend not to notice the KitchenAid mixer bumping up against their ankles while shrieking and crying?
This isn’t really going to be like that. Or is it? LOOK UNDER YOUR CHAAAAAAAIRS!!!
I’m lying. There’s nothing under there. At least, nothing that I put under there. I’m not responsible for anything weird or gross or unexpected you find under your furniture. I can’t even be responsible for the weird, gross, unexpected things that are probably under MY furniture.
- Sleeping with the windows open on summer nights
Dogs are a gift to this universe in their purity and kindness and love. And also because kissing a dog on the head is just the best.
- A sunset drive down a country road, preferably with the windows down and something mildly embarrassing on the stereo
- When you get an email from the library that your hold books are in. It’s pretty much like Christmas
- When my dad tries to tell a story and it’s really not that funny but he thinks it’s funny and he laughs so hard he cries and then starts wheezing and you can’t help but laugh because you’re laughing at him and not at his stupid story
- The feeling you get in your stomach the day you’re about to get on a plane and go somewhere you’ve never been
FYI the Swedish word for this is ‘resfeber’ and it means the mix of nervousness and excitement a traveler feels before a journey begins.
Can you tell I’m an English Major twice over?
- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
To be clear, I’m referring to that original movie with the little Claymation (is that what they were?) guys and honestly half of what I say is quoting from this movie. This is especially charming on first dates. And by charming I mean a glaring red flag and I never see those guys again.
- Polka Dots
Classic, charming, reminiscent of Minnie Mouse and a pattern applicable in almost any context. Except maybe like chicken pox or small pox or something horrible like that.
- Being left-handed
With the exception of the fact that I “cut like a trucker” and scissors and binders are hard for me to use and using a writing utensil for an extended period of time will inevitably dye the side of my hand a new colour. LOOK UP NOTABLE LEFTIES, BECAUSE WE’RE EVERYWHERE Y’ALL. Look at that sizable list of creative, dynamic, amazing people.
And then add Mulan to that list and if you don’t believe me go re-watch that cinematic classic. More on our similarities later. Actually, I’m saving that for my therapist.
If you don’t understand the gift that is cows, I don’t even know what we’re doing here. Maybe I’ll devote an entire blog post to cows. Please vote in the comments. I’m not even joking.